I was going to my usual post about the next fashion-conscious decision I’m making or even wanted to focus on influencers and there approach to sustainability, but I’m going to save that for some other time and post something a little bit different on here.
In the past year, you may have noticed that I haven’t been doing any music, hey some people are surprised that I even sing – they were super surprised when I did a little Etta James number on my Insta story. So, what’s with the silence you might ask? After years of funding my music, desperately finding management and having many let downs, I decided last year that I needed a break. Whilst I met some incredibly inspiring individuals and sang at some of my dream hot spots in London along the way; the negatives were definitely outweighing the positives. Putting yourself in any limelight is bound to have an effect on your mental health and it certainly had a detrimental impact on mine.
‘Comparison’ is a word we often used these days when it comes to talking about the negative effects of social media, you see people thriving and wonder why you aren’t, whilst algorithms take a toll on your platforms and to be honest seeing a small amount of engagement somehow feels like you have no support at all. I let this get to me and compared myself to way too many musicians out there who really were getting all those successful moments that I’d been dreaming of. And whilst I may have appeared positive, I really was suffering and couldn’t go through a live performance without feeling awful and self-critical by the end of it.
I needed escapism, I changed my job and as you know my other hobbies such as fashion and styling seemed a positive path for me when taking this break away from music to find out what was really making me unhappy. This break has been a little longer than intended; I haven’t released any new music since December 2017, I haven’t performed live since July 2018 and that really is the thing I miss dearly. Performing over anything else and using my voice makes me so incredibly happy and that is my one goal for this summer, to perform whether it’s a cover or my own music again. I hadn’t intended for this break to be so long, however, maybe that’s what I need and I definitely feel better for it.
I recently read singer/songwriter Kyla La Grange’s Instagram post about her songwriting where she wrote that she had felt depressed about her music and she too felt self-critical and didn’t want to write for a very long time; this felt so refreshing to read that a musician wanted to take a break too, purely for their happiness and she wasn’t coming across like she was living some spectacular adventurous musicians dream, where you weren’t allowed to see the real and genuine downfalls that we all experience but rarely share. Putting yourself out there on the line for everyone to see you and only you as a solo artist is the scariest thing you could possibly do, putting yourself out there for rejection or of course success is an absolute gamble on your self-esteem.
I’m so grateful to have taken this break and found my strength again and really started to feel like me. I mean the art of not giving a fuck has also been a huge help too, but let’s not get into that right now.
I guess I just wanted to put out there, an honest reason as to why you haven’t seen any music on here but also if you’re a struggling artist too – to know that taking a break is okay but most importantly not losing yourself and being happy is the most important thing.
To end this little self-help guide, a happy Sunday to you and I guess keep an eye out for the next gig…
FYI these photos are here purely because this place is bloody magical and I think you should all know about it for perfect photo opportunities because… JUST LOOK. A live music video here would be the dream.
(Photos taken at Castle Ashby)